Trauma, Triggers, and Two Kinds of People
You know when you have a complete discussion floating around in the back of your mind, but you worry that attempting to put it down in words is a mistake? Perhaps you’re afraid that the bigger message will get lost in translation. Maybe it means so much to you that you’re not willing to let argument dilute it. Or it might be that it it’s just too personal and meaningful and you aren’t willing to put yourself out there that candidly and openly.
Or… as in my case now… it’s all of the above. I’ve been thinking about something for months now and it’s all crystalized in my mind, every aspect clear as a bell. And I want to protect my revelation as much as I want to share it with the world. Thus, the dilemma.
But the risk is outweighed by what I hope is the value of these words for others, so here we go.
Trauma
The word means different things to different people, and each of us has our own particular negative association with it. But in general, trauma is the result of experiencing highly stressful, emotionally damaging, often physically threatening conditions or situations.
A traumatized person can feel a wide range of emotions, during the occurrence of the trauma, immediately at its conclusion, and for long periods of time after. Someone may feel overwhelmed, helpless, shocked, and ashamed. And all of these feelings can translate to physical symptoms, as well.
Trauma can result in long-term adverse effects on a person’s mental and emotional wellbeing. Even after the traumatic event has concluded, a person’s experience with trauma can continue to cause problems for them in relationships, the workplace, public spaces, and within their own homes.
The traumatic experience can all rush back in response to…
Triggers
In today’s environment, the word “triggers” is often casually used to describe images, sounds, or words that make people uncomfortable. But actually feeling triggered is more than not liking something or feeling that it is has rubbed you the wrong way. For someone carrying trauma from their earlier life experiences, exposure to something that reminds them of that can make them feel like they are reliving it all over again.
Triggers can be obvious to the person experiencing them as well as everyone around them, or they can be very personal and private. They can be expected, like an anniversary that you know is coming up soon. They can also be completely unexpected and random, like coming face to face with a former abuser in a completely different town than the one they both share.
Most importantly, triggers can create a momentary response, set in motion a full mental and emotional breakdown, or cause a painful reaction anywhere in between the two. There is such a personalized and individual component and no two people will react in the same manner.
Which brings us to the most important part of this discussion…
Two Kinds of People
In general, there are two kinds of people when it comes to trauma and triggers. The first person is compassionate, understanding, and aware of what someone is going through. If they did not know about the trauma and stumble upon it through a reaction to something they have said or done, they regret any role they may have played — even unknowingly — and they are willing to make adjustments to future words or deeds for the good of someone else.
In other words, they don’t want to hurt someone else and welcome feedback to help them not do so. They are good, kind, decent people who don’t want to inflict pain on those around them.
There are two kinds of people, though. The second kind of person is at best ignorant of and apathetic towards the suffering of others, and at worst actually enjoys tormenting someone already in pain.
How can you recognize the latter? Their words and deeds will always show them out. They might insist on dead-naming someone who is transgender. Maybe they gaslight survivors of sexual abuse and assault, refusing to believe women who report and choosing instead to make excuses for and even jokes about rape and rapists.
Perhaps the most common tell are those who post and boast on social media about how they “own the libs” and “show those snowflakes the real world.” They exploit every opportunity to mock and insult others, especially those who choose to share personal struggles or challenges in an attempt to normalize those situations and dynamics.
The takeaway here is simple and clear. These terrible human beings who actively dismiss the experiences, the feelings, and the pain of others do so because they (1) are in pain themselves and lashing out, (2) are clueless about the impact they have, or (3) are very aware of and take joy in the suffering of others.
If you’re that person, if you insist on trampling through the lives of family, friends, and even strangers, and causing pain and turmoil… if that is you… I kindly invite you to crawl back into the hole you crawled out of. Log off, lose your phone, and slither under your rock. Because this world doesn’t need or even want the hate and pain you continue to spew. The world is not better because of you and you will not be missed when you are gone.
Meanwhile, people like me will be cutting ties with you at every opportunity. We will unfriend you, block you, ignore your calls, and delete your emails. We are all too busy helping those in need, lifting those who are down, and celebrating those who are rising to spend even another moment wallowing with you.
Pain is part of life. Learning to deal with that pain is also part of life. But celebrating the pain of others makes you a truly terrible human being. And you’re done here.
